the big ONE ONE

My little girl turned 11 today! I can't believe how much miss Molly has grown up late. I am blown away at the incredible young woman she is becoming. So often I find myself looking at her in amazement... wondering when she grew up and how I got so lucky to be her sister. This girl has remarkable things ahead of her, and though she's young I know that Heavenly Father has big plans for this special one. I am so blessed to know her. Though she's shorter than me (barely!!!) I look up to her immensely.

Happy birthday, sweet sister. I love you to the moon and back. So grateful we can be friends forever. :)

Hi Provo. It's nice to meet you!

Well, the impossible has happened. I'm a college student!!! I can barely believe it. For so long I've been preparing for "the future" and what was going to happen to me after high school. And now it's here. I'm living it. I'm living MY future.

I've been here in Provo for 3 weeks now. Let me tell you - it has been the LONGEST 21 days of my life. I feel like I've lived here for ages!! I have never felt so overwhelmed. Ever. But it's an exciting sort of overwhelmed... usually ;)

It wasn't all that easy for me to decide where I wanted to go to school. I thought about it a lot. I never felt like I really got "an answer" if this was the school for me or not. I prayed, thought, fasted, prayed, asked people, thought, prayed some more. I finally decided I loved how BYU made me feel and it seemed like it would be a wonderful opportunity for me. So I chose here, still feeling like it was only my own thoughts guiding my decision. Well, the day after I moved in, I finally got my answer. A real and solid one. I KNOW I am supposed to be here. For whatever reason, this is the place I need to be right now. It is so comforting to feel like I'm in the place Heavenly Father wants me to be, especially in the hard moments. So many amazing opportunities await me, and I cannot wait to see all that my freshman year will bring!

My biggest goals are to work hard, do well, and to just enjoy it. ENJOY my time here. Some days it has been hard to smile like I typically do. Homework is harder than it's ever been, I feel like all I ever do is study. I'm away from family. Making friends here is not as easy as making friends in a place like high school, where you actually see these people on a regular basis. So much has changed, and it's all been thrown at me at once. It's a big adjustment! However I know that it is a privilege to be attending this school right now, and I'm so grateful that I'm here. I'm so thrilled for all that's just around the corner. College, I'm ready for ya. :)

These would be my lovely roommates! I seriously got SO lucky. From left to right it's Lyndie, Ryan, Meg, Me, Liza, and Lena. Pretty good lookin group, eh? Haha. I love these people so much already.

The football game BEFORE it rained...

We survived the Provo flash flood of 2013... and loved every second of it. :) During the football game the heavens unleashed and turned the stadium into a river. It was absolute insanity... and so hilarious.

FRISBEEEEEEEE

Today Kiera, Olivia, and I decided to get off campus for a bit and go eat some waffles at Bridal Veil Falls. It was SO fun!! It felt so good to get out into my home - the mountains. Ahh. Nothing refreshes and revitalizes me like the mountains do. Plus those waffles were DIVINE. We will definitely be going back soon. :) 

I have met some of the coolest people ever here. This place is full of absolute quality people. I'm so lucky to be here. I'm having fun, I am. :) And every day gets a little better. I've been trying so hard to have the best attitude I can... and its working. I'm starting to really love college. 

Well, I have loads of homework to do still so I'm out. I'll try to keep this updated! Happy Wednesday!

Abigail

Long Live

Life happens so fast. 

I know I'm a horrible blogger (two posts in the last two years... oops), but I've decided I'm going to give this blogging thing another shot. I'm about to embark on one heck of an adventure, and I've had many people asking me to keep them updated. I decided this was probably the best way to do it, so here we go! 

I'm officially a high school graduate. Incredible. I have had the most amazing, spectacular high school experience. Looking back, I can't help but smile at all the things the last three years have brought me. 

I've gone from this...

to this...

... in what feels like a very short time. Senior year especially, that just flew. I couldn't have asked for a better end to my high school experience. I don't know how I got so so incredibly blessed. I tear up just thinking about it! Through the laughs, hard classes, friends, dances, choir concerts, tears, planning assemblies, sleeping on the floor in my SBO advisors back room because I was so exhausted, football games, pow wows, mission calls, study sessions, AP classes, boys, and becoming one in a way I didn't know any school was capable of, I had a year that was UNFORGETTABLE. 

And now it's over. Graduation day was one of the most surreal things ever. I sat up in the stands with the choir, listening to our principal speak.. looking down at these 500 people I have learned to love so much knowing that after tonight, I won't see most of them ever again. How?! But it was a happy moment, too. One where I could reflect back on all I've done and who I've become. So instead of being sad, even though a big part of me wanted too, I held hands with my best friend Katie Brianne, and looked down at those kids and smiled. Smiled because I loved them and felt blessed to have learned and grown alongside them. 

Our class endured things so unexpected. For some reason, we dealt with the death on a monthly basis. Literally. We dealt with cancer all over the place. Loved ones of these classmates that I loved were suffering, so they were suffering. I loved my peers, and because I loved them I loved their families. So it made us all hurt... a lot. However through the pain, more accurately because of it, something incredible happened. Our school bonded in a way I could never have imagined. Being a Student Body Officer, I helped pick our school's theme for the year 2012-2013 last summer. After much deliberation we picked "WE ARE ONE." In the beginning of the year it was a good theme, but really nothing special. However by the end of the year I truly believed that choosing that theme was INSPIRATION. Divine inspiration. Because it came true. And I, along with 1500 other students, started to feel a bond of unity never felt before. We supported each other. We loved each other. We fought together. We lost together, we won together. And we really became ONE. 

The student body having a "pink out" at a state basketball game. Several students had parents fighting and losing to cancer, and it became the entire school's desire to show love and fight for them. We ended up donating over $2,500 to the Huntsman Cancer Institute.

I will forever be grateful for the friends and memories I made at Bountiful High School. I love these people. I am so proud to be a Brave.

So here's to High School. Class of 2013, I'll love you forever. Thanks for helping make ME me.

Senior Sunset. 

Thanks to the family that got me here. I couldn't have done it without you.
Stop making me cry while I type this stupid thing.  

Especially you, Madre. There are no words. I love you more than life and am the luckiest girl in the world to get to be your daughter. I'm so glad you'll be with me every step of the way.
Nobody said it better than Abe Lincoln - "All that I am I owe to my angel mother." 

WE DID IT!!!

Best friends for two years. Sure do love you, Logs. :) 

This boy. Oh! He made senior year a blast and a half. Joshua is the GREATEST. 

And can't forget this girl. Honestly couldn't have done it without her. Katie Brianne.
She's as good as they come. My sister, my best friend. ALWAYS.
Thanks for making me a better person, Kitten. Love you forever!

The next chapter starts in 9 days. I'm heading off to college at Brigham Young University and I'm beyond excited. But I'll never forget how wonderful high school was. Bountiful High, thanks for treating me well. Once a Brave, ALWAYS a Brave. 

"I said, remember this moment

In the back of my mind

The time we stood with our shaking hands

The crowds in stands went wild

We were the kings and the queens

And they read off our names

The night you danced like you knew our lives

Would never be the same

You held your head like a hero

On a history book page

It was the end of a decade

But the start of an age

Long live the walls we crashed through

While the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming, long live all the magic we made

And bring on all the pretenders, one day we will be remembered."

-Long Live by Taylor Swift

LONG LIVE all the walls we crashed through-

I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you!

WE WILL BE REMEMBERED. 

691 Days

Last October something happened that changed life as I knew it. President Monson announced the new mission ages for youth in the church. Since then, I have been able to watch so many of my friends and classmates who have already graduated accept the call, turn in their papers, and embark on an incredible journey devoting 18-24 months of their life to the Savior. It has been so incredible! I witness these people prepare so diligently and work so hard to become ready. I've seen attitudes as well as lives change. I've witnessed so many miracles. I've said goodbyes to many. One of my very greatest friends left for San Diego, California today. When I left his house yesterday after seeing him for the last time, I felt the biggest sense of pride and love for my wonderful friends. I know some truly phenomenal people. I have watched their whole beings change as they turn their lives toward our beloved Savior. I am now part of a senior class with many just months away from leaving themselves. The diligence in their preparation is so inspiring. Two of my favorite people, Logan and Michael, put in their papers already. Michael last week and Logan today. My two best friends are working so hard to be the best they can be for the Lord, and you can see it. It is amazing to me how He changes them into magnificent missionaries, capable of spreading out all over the globe to spread the gospel and to spread JOY. How blessed am I to be a part of this change? To be living in lovely Bountiful, Utah, around all these fantastic people who influence me for the better ever day? They are the most incredible examples to me. My friends, with Christ, are going to CHANGE THE WORLD.

I don't go to Olympus High School or know any of these people, but this video made me cry. These are the kind of youth I get to interact with daily. An army of good, and an army of the Lord. 

I have been thinking about a mission a lot since October. I already had such a strong desire to go, but as I am very young and young women couldn't go until age 21, I would have been one semester away from receiving my Bachelor's Degree. I didn't know how well that would work out. So basically, I wanted to, but didn't know if it would happen. That announcement in October changed my life. The feeling I got as soon as my beloved prophet said that, it was incredible. Then, a mission became a reality. It was two years away.... was I really going to do this? If so, I had so much to do. I asked often for direction if it was right for me. It still is a ways away, but I needed to know. And now I do. I WILL SERVE A MISSION. A mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. My desire to go is so strong. I want to go so badly. If I could, I would honestly go tomorrow. Obviously I have a ton of preparation to do so it's probably a good thing I can't haha, but man oh man. I want to get out there so badly. The gospel has brought my life immense joy and incredible purpose. I cannot put into words the love I have for my Savior. I know without any doubt in me that this church is true. Yes, there is so much I don't understand about it. But what I do understand is enough. I KNOW it is true and that this is exactly where I need to be. I just want to shout it out to everyone I meet. Honestly! I wish I could just stand on a mountain with a super powerful megaphone and tell everyone how amazing it is and how perfect and pure it is. I cannot wait to serve a mission. I cannot wait. I love the Lord and I am so excited to devote 18 hard, trying, but beautiful months of my life to Him and his work. I turn nineteen in 691 days. 691 to prepare. The countdown begins. :) 

I'm a Mormon. I KNOW it. I LIVE it. I LOVE it. 

For Darcy

Well hello blogging world! It's been a mighty long time and I apologize. It's very obvious blogging isn't my forte. But I had a few requests to pick back up again. I sort of "eh"'d the idea. Until Darcy. So Darc, here you go. For you. :) Love you and miss you like crazy!!!


I was trying to think of something currently happening in my life that is worthy of my "welcome back" to blog-dom. But I honestly can't think of anything anyone would care to read about. So I've accepted the fact that this probably won't be very interesting to anyone... And now I'm going to write to you about my new job. Yay.

 PIZZA PIE CAFE. Yes. That is where I work. I really am not a fan of working, I'd much rather play all the time. Ha. :) But I kinda need to pay for college and a mission, so I got a job. I am now a cashier at Pizza Pie Cafe in Bountiful! I'll be honest.... I LOVE IT. I actually have FUN at work! Can you believe it?! It's a party!! My managers are the coolest people. So down to earth, so genuine, and so funny. We just tease each other and it's grand.

This is them. I creepily pulled this picture off the internet. The people that work at this place are AWESOME. I have only met one I don't like (sorry to be rude but she's a grouch). Everyone else is fun though!


 Here are some of the things my job entails.

CASHING: obviously. That's kinda my job description. I know how to work the fancy little touch screen computers. I greet people as they walk in, take their money, and smile. It's fun to get to talk to people and be up front. There is usually another cashier too so we get to talk and that's nice. So yeah, I'm the big man handling all the cash. Go me.

CLEANING: Since we aren't constantly doing something at the cash registers we are in charge of making sure salad and drink stations look clean. And we stock the napkins and lids and all that jazz. It amazes me how messy people are sometimes. It's not THAT hard to put croutons on your salad. Yet somehow people manage to get them all over. Seriously?

BUSS BOYS: Oh how I love the buss boys. :) We have fun. Especially me and this busser named Brady. That kid is hilarious. And such a punk!! So as he cleans tables and I do all my jobs, we talk. And flirt (a lot). And sing along to the radio haha. He's just fun.

THE SHIRTS: The shirts we have to wear are funny. They all have silly sayings on the back of them. My favorite says, "STOP checking me out. I'm not on the buffet."

TIPS: I live for tips at this place. They make me happy. We have a competition to see who can get the most. It's great. I'm pretty dang good, let me tell you.

FOOD FOOD FOOD: This job is going to make me fat. I'm always around food. And it's yum. Pizza Pie has a bunch of crazy pizzas, including desert pizzas. And for me it's free. I get to eat on break, before my shift, and after my shift. Whatever I want. It takes some serious self control to not just stuff my face all the time. The desert pizza..... holy. So much sugar = so much goodness. Plus I get to take home some extras after closing. So then I eat more at home. It's just bad.

I SET A RECORD!!: Saturday I worked for 7 and a half hours. Richard (my boss) at the end of a night came over to see my totals. He was shocked! He said that is a ton to make in one night. He also said it was a record, but I don't think that's actually true. Who knows. I still had to pat myself on the back for making that much my fourth night working. BOOH YAH.

THE BATHROOMS: At night when everyone has left, it's my job to clean the bathrooms. I just live for this super fun experience. Let me tell you the one thing I have learned from this: Men are OFFICIALLY messier than women. Trust me. I would know.

CLOSING: There are a couple other things we have to do at the end of the night. I won't bore you with the details. But let me just tell you one quick crazy story: I have to clean the windows/doors into this place. Well last week there was one night it was SO COLD that the cleaner was literally freezing to the window on contact. I was just wiping a bunch of frost around the windows. Ridiculous.


 So yeah!! There you have it. My fun new job. Sorry if that bored you to death. But hey, come visit me sometime!! I would love it. :) Happy Sunday!

I heart stress fractures...

Dang.. two and a half months! I am a blogging CHAMP! woot.


Well ladies and gents, since last Tuesday I am the proud owner of a fantastic new addition to my shoe closet. Sadly, I can't actually put it away for at least three weeks. Maybe like 5. Can you guess what it is? I'll give you a hint: its big, black, and velcro. Yep. You guessed it. I am in a boot. And it is joyous. I'll tell you the story. But let me back up a little.

As I'm sure all you know, I am on the Bountiful High Cross Country team. I absolutely LOVE it. Love it so much!!!! For two reasons:

1) I have such a passion for running. When I run, I feel free. You don't even understand how running changes me. I don't need to go into detail, I have posted about it before. Basically, running is one of my favorite things to do, and I want to run all the time. When I'm happy, I want to run. When I'm sad and crying, I have to run. When I'm stressed, I run. When I'm angry, it's my anger management tool. Running means so much to me. I feel better when I run. I LOVE it. And cross country gives me an excuse to run harder and faster and longer. Every day of my life!!


Running is beautiful. Running is simple. Running is POWER.

2) I'm convinced that some of the best boys and girls at Bountiful High are on the cross country team. It is seriously such a stellar group of people. I laugh so dang hard every practice. As girls are hurled over wanting to puke, we make each other laugh. When we're so tired we just want to collapse, we somehow find something funny about the painful situation that just makes practice a blast. I honestly love my team so much. They make me want to be better, and they are SO inspiring. We work so hard, and each of us brings each other up. I cannot tell you how great so many of the people are. It definitely fills you with adrenaline when you run past your beloved teammates as they are screaming your name and telling you to run harder.

Well, I've worked my freaking BUTT off to be on that team. We started practicing and getting ready for races the first day of summer. I ran every day I could. From the start of summer to the end of summer, I ran over 265 counted miles. Thats a lot of running. Well then school started, and I committed myself to about 2 hours or so every day after school to run with my team. I have honestly worked so hard. And two weeks ago, all that brutal work finally paid off because...(drumroll please)..... I MADE THE VARSITY TEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am/was the 6th best girl runner in our whole school. Do you know how happy that made me?! I was pretty much freaking stoked.

Let me repeat "all that brutal work finally paid off because...". Yeah well. I thought it paid off. But it turns out, with every mile I was running, my bone in my right shin was getting weaker and weaker. I could tell because every practice and race became more and more painful, but I shook it off because I didn't want to quit running. I was determined to run region and go to state with my team. My determination was the death of me. My leg finally got so bad, I couldn't even run a warm up. So, on Tuesday, I went to the doctor to get it checked out. And... I have a stress fracture. I can't run for the rest of the season. AND I AM DEVASTATED.

Seriously. Devastated. I think I have had a total of 5 meltdowns since Tuesday. You don't understand how badly I want to RUN!!!! I know I sound stupid and like a complainer. Yeah, go ahead and say it. I should just buck up. But man its killing me. I haven't run since last friday. That is like 9 days. I'm honestly going through withdraws. I feel like a lazy butt. And it is honestly making me super depressed. The other day I was crying and since I always run when I cry, I thought to myself, "Alright this is ridiculous. I'm going running." And then I realized I was crying because I CAN'T go running. And then I was even more upset. Haha. Its kind of funny in a really awful way. And now I'm just sitting at my computer. Looking out my window pitifully. Wishing I was out there. Feet pounding the pavement. I will NEVER EVER take my amazing body and its serious talent for granted again. The ability to run is such a beautiful gift. I'm so lucky and blessed to have it. I cannot wait until my leg heals so I can run again!! Ahhh!! :)

Well. That is my story. Thank you for letting me vent.
Stay healthy, kids. And drink your milk so you have strong bones and don't get stress fractures like me. YAY.

A little late, maybe?

I just gave Emily Jarman and Kayla Hanni their Christmas presents. Its July.....

I am more.

I honestly cannot tell you how happy I am with my life right now. My life is JOY! Seriously, it's joy.

But lets be honest, my life is far from easy. Its hard. Last night I sat on my bed and cried like a three-year-old for a long time. Like an hour. So obviously life isn't perfect. It's hard. Really hard!! But I don't think I've ever been a happier person in my whole entire life! Want to know my secret?


I know who I am.


I don't know why it took me this long, but recently I have finally figured out who Abby Moon is. And I LOVE her :) You want to meet her? I'll tell you a little bit about her.

Abby Moon is a 15 year old girl. She has amazing parents who she loves so much. Her mom is her best friend. She has 3 younger siblings who make her so happy. She is a junior (a really young junior. she doesn't like that so much.) who enjoys school and learning. She loves Cutler's sugar cookies. Running is her passion. She runs for everything. It is her stress relief, her anger management, her escape. She loves how she feels when she is running. LOVES. Abby hates pickles, olives, tomatoes, and mustard. She loves the beach and wishes she could live by it. Some day she wants to. Really bad. It's one of her secret dreams, to live on the beach and learn how to surf. To wake up each morning to a fabulous sunset over the ocean and go running as she watches it rise in the sky. Pretty much she just REALLY REALLY loves the ocean and the beach. Like seriously. She loves it. She loves music and listens to it almost 24/7. She feels like music expresses feelings and thoughts that simple words can't. When used right, music is powerful and beautiful and inspirational. One of her pet peeves is when guys have long fingernails. She HATES that. Just if you were wondering. It grosses her out. Seriously, people. CUT THEM. Abby has this camera that is like her baby. Photography is something she really loves. She believes that laughing and ice cream are the best medicine. Laughing and ice cream make everything better :) Traveling is probably her favorite thing to do (To answer that question that people ask at stupid "get to know you games" or whatever, if she had a million dollars she would travel. Just if you were wondering.). Abigail feels like you learn and grow more when experiencing new cultures and places then you ever could in school room. She thinks they should just send people on vacations instead of making them go to school. Yep. She would like that. She has a passion for experiencing new things and new ways of life. She seriously soaks in whatever culture she can when she goes to a new place. She is in love with the outdoors. If she could spend all her life outside, she would. I'm not exaggerating, if people would let her, she would. In fact she kind of thinks that this blog post should hurry up and end so she can go play at the park with her sister.... Anyways. Haha. Another thing she LOVES is boating. Oh boating!! She wants to go right now. She REALLY wants to go right now. Wakeboarding, skiing, tubing, she loves it. Like loves. Abby loves her friends. She has the most amazing friends a girl could ask for. And pretty much she really loves them, and is so grateful for them! They are AWESOME. They make her laugh so hard. Abby has kind of a retarded laugh. It gets made fun of a lot. But thats okay :) Haha. Her hair rarely does what she wants it to, she frequently gets zits in the middle of her forehead, she isn't insanely gorgeous or funny. She has weird ears and a little extra flub in the stomach area. But she doesn't really care. She likes herself anyways :) Growing up and going to college scares her. Getting older and the future scares her. She feels like she is still a little kid who wants to jump on beds and color with chalk and just run to mommy when she is upset or afraid. But she has to grow up. She is becoming her own person who no longer is going to depend on people to make her happy. She is amazing, and she knows it. She is sick of people putting her down and making her feel small. So from now on, she is going to stand up and love herself for who she is. She is ABBY MOON, and nobody can make her differently. From now on, people's opinions aren't going to make her want to change or feel bad for who she is. She is herself, so everyone, you can love her or leave her. Hah. :) But do you want to know what really makes Abby Moon Abby Moon? Her Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ. They love her so much she can't even imagine. Nobody can. And she loves them. Her relationship with Christ is so special and sacred. In a way she feels like He is her best friend. Because when she thinks about all the qualities she wants in a best friend, He perfectly exemplifies them. He is always there for her, and would do absolutely anything for her. She knows He always has her back. He knows how she is feeling and she can go to him at any time of day, any place. And she does it often, haha. He hears so much venting from her. Every time she is having a bad day, He knows just why and just how to make her feel better. He TRULY knows exactly how she feels and it is so comforting to her. He has gone through it all before. He knows her so well, better than anybody else on this planet. He knows all her dreams, heartaches, wishes, favorite things, biggest secrets, boys she is crushin on, happiest moments, pet peeves. Their relationship is so personal. She doesn't know how, how it is possible for Him to be so close with every person on this earth, but she knows He does. And that is all that matters! And another thing that makes Him like her best friend is the JOY that he brings her. When she has His spirit with her, you can't imagine the joy that she feels. She can be crying and having the worst day and the second she talks to him, He makes her happy. He doesn't make everything better, he doesn't take away the problem or solve the issue, and He definitely doesn't make her life easy. But He definitely makes her feel loved. And all the sudden the stuff around her doesn't matter as much anymore! He makes her happy to be Abby. Her Savior and Heavenly Father put the light in her big brown eyes. They put the love in her heart. They make her life amazing!! They have done so much for her, more then she could ever imagine. She knows that they are REAL. They are so real. And she loves them so much.


So, do you all like her as much as I do?? ;) Guys, I'm so happy to be me. I can't tell you how this recent knowledge has improved my life. I don't know why the heck it took me so long to realize this. Haha. But now that I do, my life is a million times better. I love myself. There are lots of things about me that aren't my favorite, and I want to change. I know that I still have a long way to go. I'm not perfect, oh boy I'm so far from perfect. So far. But that doesn't matter because each day I'm trying and striving to be a better Abby then who I was before. I'm not going to be a DIFFERENT Abby, I don't want to change who I am. I just want to make the current Abby better. Because I know I can be better. And every day I'm going to try my hardest to improve. And someday, when I've worked as hard as I can and done as much as I can do to better myself, my Savior through his incredible grace and miraculous atonement will do the rest of the work for me. I can't wait for the day when I'm able to see him and my Father again. Hug them, just be held by them and again feel of their powerful love. Ahhhh!! I can't wait :)


Well, sorry that was really long. You probably didn't care to hear all that. But I just wanted to get it out! Haha.

Stay great!
Love you all!

Cancer...

... is a word you never ever want to hear. So when one of my very best friends told me she had it, I can't believe the instant feelings that overwhelmed my body. It was like all this pressure was put on me. Almost like drowning, thats the only thing I can think of to describe it. I couldn't breathe. It was like some unknown force was pushing down on me and I could barely stand up. The next two days were sort of a blur. I remember sitting on my couch for like 2 hours. Not moving. Not crying. Not thinking. Just sitting. NUMB. Absolutely numb.

This is the story of Kayla Hanni. She is one of my best friends. I love her so much. We have only known each other for about a year, but we are so close I can't picture my life not knowing her!! Well, Kayla has osteosarcoma. Osteosarcoma is a malignant tumor that usually occurs in teens. Kayla's tumor is right above her eye. She found out about a month ago. They started treatment as soon as they could, and she went in for her first dose of chemotherapy the last week of school. She goes in again on the 21, which is Tuesday. She then has 3 straight weeks of chemotherapy, and each week she will be in the hospital for 3 days. After a few more rounds of chemo, she will go in for (intense) surgery to remove the tumor if all is going right. Fingers crossed this will be about August. Then I'm pretty sure after the tumor is removed, a few more rounds of chemo will happen, and HOPEFULLY, it will be gone! And all is well! At least thats what we are all praying for.

Here is how I feel about the whole process without getting too personal. It's hard!! The hardest part so far has definitely been seeing her in that hospital bed. Me and Katie Kitchen and Emily Jarman went out and took her a giant poster I made and just to see her. It was HARD. Kayla is crazy, and I mean crazy. We laugh like hyenas when we're together and there is never a quiet or dull moment with the two of us. She is so full of life and light and happiness. And I walked into that room and saw her so still. So, so, still. It was shocking. She looked so lifeless. We tried to make things happy and have a good time, which we did. We laughed. A lot. haha. Well the three of us did. She listened! And laughed some too thank goodness! But it was still so hard to see her! She didn't look like Kayla. And for a whole week and a half, almost two, she sat in bed. It took her so long to get back to her usual self. I really missed her. I would run up to her house and visit her as often as I possibly could. So I would see her, be laying next to her and looking at her, but I would still miss her. I still missed my Kayla. She wasn't the girl laying on that bed. Anyways, luckily she started feeling better, and we had a total blast this last week, hanging out every possibly second and laughing almost the whole time. She is nuts. NUTS!! And I love it :) Crazy, hilarious, and a total blast to be around. So we partied, a lot. Haha.

One adventure that came along with this situation is I got to go wig shopping with her. Her parents, brother, and I went with Kayla to a couple of stores to find her some hair she can wear to church and school and such when she is done with treatment but still has no hair. I can't decide how I felt watching her try on hair after hair. None of it hers. It would be so hard to be in that position. I imagine myself sitting in that chair, looking in the mirror, and not seeing me. Each wig made her look so different. She looked absolutely beautiful, don't get me wrong. She's a babe, and she looked absolutely awesome in pretty much anything they tried on her. But hair is such a big part of how you look. And I think it would be so hard to look in the mirror and see yourself looking so different. She has started to lose a lot of hair these past few days, and so we have talked a lot about shaving it off. I think she should just do it now, shave it off. Because to me it seems like it would be a lot easier to handle it if I was the one who made MYSELF lose my hair. I did it on purpose. Its not some substance that is making my hair fall out, I chose to shave it off. Does that make sense? So if I were her I think I would just do it now. BUT, talking to her, I sort of changed my mind. Think about losing all your hair. She kept saying, "I can't shave it off. I love my hair. I don't want to lose it yet." And putting myself in her shoes, it would be hard. That would be really hard. Haha I hate my hair, and I have said several times "If i could do it and not look weird, I would totally shave my head!!". But now that she has to go through with this process and actually lose her hair, I don't know if I could. She gets so frustrated and says things like "NOBODY understands how hard this is. Nobody gets how it feels", and she's right. I don't! I have no idea. I wish I did so I could help her, give her advice. I feel like all I can do is just encourage. But to be truthful, I feel like I'm doing nothing at all to help her.

All I can say is, it's going to be a rough summer. Plus the other girls in our little "foursome" are leaving me for like the rest of the summer. So I'm going to be spending a lot of time at Primary Children's, and a lot of time by Kayla's bed. The two of us. And as rough and sad and heartbreaking as it will be, I know she can do it. Kayla Hanni is not one to give up, give in, or back down. That girl is strong, and I know she will get through it. And by the end of this, she's going to be even more so. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is definitely going to apply to her. To be honest, I think it just might apply to me too. Haha. I can't believe how hard it has been for me too!! Definitely don't compare to how hard it is for her, but don't get me wrong. It's not easy!

I just hope I can be a good friend and help her out. I don't know exactly how she's feeling, I don't know what I can do to make her feel better. Sadly, I can't cure her. I can't take the cancer away. I can't take the sickness and nausea away. I only wish I could. But right now, all I can do is stick by her side and let her know I love her. Be happy and try to keep things positive. Smile. I just hope thats enough!

Pray for her guys. Please. Please pray for her. I know that the Lord hears every word of prayer we ever say, so I know He will hear you and help her. Pray for smooth treatment, a quick recovery, and as much comfort as possible. Pray that she will feel of His love for her, and of our love as well. Anything. Just if you can, keep her in your heart and mind.




Kayla, I love you. Thanks for being such an incredible friend. You'll get through this. Hang in there. You're not alone. God doesn't give you any trial you can't handle. The fact that he gave you this trial just shows me how strong you really are! So don't give up! Endure to the end, baby. This is one of my all time favorite talks, given in 1973 by Elder Hugh B. Brown, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. Its amazing. Read it!! Kayla Gail, I love you, I'm here for you, and I'm praying for you. Hang in there, you pickle eating freak ;)

NO MORE BRACES!!!! :D

I bit into an apple for the first time in a year and a half today, and it was the strangest sensation ever. I love it! hah.