I am more.

I honestly cannot tell you how happy I am with my life right now. My life is JOY! Seriously, it's joy.

But lets be honest, my life is far from easy. Its hard. Last night I sat on my bed and cried like a three-year-old for a long time. Like an hour. So obviously life isn't perfect. It's hard. Really hard!! But I don't think I've ever been a happier person in my whole entire life! Want to know my secret?


I know who I am.


I don't know why it took me this long, but recently I have finally figured out who Abby Moon is. And I LOVE her :) You want to meet her? I'll tell you a little bit about her.

Abby Moon is a 15 year old girl. She has amazing parents who she loves so much. Her mom is her best friend. She has 3 younger siblings who make her so happy. She is a junior (a really young junior. she doesn't like that so much.) who enjoys school and learning. She loves Cutler's sugar cookies. Running is her passion. She runs for everything. It is her stress relief, her anger management, her escape. She loves how she feels when she is running. LOVES. Abby hates pickles, olives, tomatoes, and mustard. She loves the beach and wishes she could live by it. Some day she wants to. Really bad. It's one of her secret dreams, to live on the beach and learn how to surf. To wake up each morning to a fabulous sunset over the ocean and go running as she watches it rise in the sky. Pretty much she just REALLY REALLY loves the ocean and the beach. Like seriously. She loves it. She loves music and listens to it almost 24/7. She feels like music expresses feelings and thoughts that simple words can't. When used right, music is powerful and beautiful and inspirational. One of her pet peeves is when guys have long fingernails. She HATES that. Just if you were wondering. It grosses her out. Seriously, people. CUT THEM. Abby has this camera that is like her baby. Photography is something she really loves. She believes that laughing and ice cream are the best medicine. Laughing and ice cream make everything better :) Traveling is probably her favorite thing to do (To answer that question that people ask at stupid "get to know you games" or whatever, if she had a million dollars she would travel. Just if you were wondering.). Abigail feels like you learn and grow more when experiencing new cultures and places then you ever could in school room. She thinks they should just send people on vacations instead of making them go to school. Yep. She would like that. She has a passion for experiencing new things and new ways of life. She seriously soaks in whatever culture she can when she goes to a new place. She is in love with the outdoors. If she could spend all her life outside, she would. I'm not exaggerating, if people would let her, she would. In fact she kind of thinks that this blog post should hurry up and end so she can go play at the park with her sister.... Anyways. Haha. Another thing she LOVES is boating. Oh boating!! She wants to go right now. She REALLY wants to go right now. Wakeboarding, skiing, tubing, she loves it. Like loves. Abby loves her friends. She has the most amazing friends a girl could ask for. And pretty much she really loves them, and is so grateful for them! They are AWESOME. They make her laugh so hard. Abby has kind of a retarded laugh. It gets made fun of a lot. But thats okay :) Haha. Her hair rarely does what she wants it to, she frequently gets zits in the middle of her forehead, she isn't insanely gorgeous or funny. She has weird ears and a little extra flub in the stomach area. But she doesn't really care. She likes herself anyways :) Growing up and going to college scares her. Getting older and the future scares her. She feels like she is still a little kid who wants to jump on beds and color with chalk and just run to mommy when she is upset or afraid. But she has to grow up. She is becoming her own person who no longer is going to depend on people to make her happy. She is amazing, and she knows it. She is sick of people putting her down and making her feel small. So from now on, she is going to stand up and love herself for who she is. She is ABBY MOON, and nobody can make her differently. From now on, people's opinions aren't going to make her want to change or feel bad for who she is. She is herself, so everyone, you can love her or leave her. Hah. :) But do you want to know what really makes Abby Moon Abby Moon? Her Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ. They love her so much she can't even imagine. Nobody can. And she loves them. Her relationship with Christ is so special and sacred. In a way she feels like He is her best friend. Because when she thinks about all the qualities she wants in a best friend, He perfectly exemplifies them. He is always there for her, and would do absolutely anything for her. She knows He always has her back. He knows how she is feeling and she can go to him at any time of day, any place. And she does it often, haha. He hears so much venting from her. Every time she is having a bad day, He knows just why and just how to make her feel better. He TRULY knows exactly how she feels and it is so comforting to her. He has gone through it all before. He knows her so well, better than anybody else on this planet. He knows all her dreams, heartaches, wishes, favorite things, biggest secrets, boys she is crushin on, happiest moments, pet peeves. Their relationship is so personal. She doesn't know how, how it is possible for Him to be so close with every person on this earth, but she knows He does. And that is all that matters! And another thing that makes Him like her best friend is the JOY that he brings her. When she has His spirit with her, you can't imagine the joy that she feels. She can be crying and having the worst day and the second she talks to him, He makes her happy. He doesn't make everything better, he doesn't take away the problem or solve the issue, and He definitely doesn't make her life easy. But He definitely makes her feel loved. And all the sudden the stuff around her doesn't matter as much anymore! He makes her happy to be Abby. Her Savior and Heavenly Father put the light in her big brown eyes. They put the love in her heart. They make her life amazing!! They have done so much for her, more then she could ever imagine. She knows that they are REAL. They are so real. And she loves them so much.


So, do you all like her as much as I do?? ;) Guys, I'm so happy to be me. I can't tell you how this recent knowledge has improved my life. I don't know why the heck it took me so long to realize this. Haha. But now that I do, my life is a million times better. I love myself. There are lots of things about me that aren't my favorite, and I want to change. I know that I still have a long way to go. I'm not perfect, oh boy I'm so far from perfect. So far. But that doesn't matter because each day I'm trying and striving to be a better Abby then who I was before. I'm not going to be a DIFFERENT Abby, I don't want to change who I am. I just want to make the current Abby better. Because I know I can be better. And every day I'm going to try my hardest to improve. And someday, when I've worked as hard as I can and done as much as I can do to better myself, my Savior through his incredible grace and miraculous atonement will do the rest of the work for me. I can't wait for the day when I'm able to see him and my Father again. Hug them, just be held by them and again feel of their powerful love. Ahhhh!! I can't wait :)


Well, sorry that was really long. You probably didn't care to hear all that. But I just wanted to get it out! Haha.

Stay great!
Love you all!

Cancer...

... is a word you never ever want to hear. So when one of my very best friends told me she had it, I can't believe the instant feelings that overwhelmed my body. It was like all this pressure was put on me. Almost like drowning, thats the only thing I can think of to describe it. I couldn't breathe. It was like some unknown force was pushing down on me and I could barely stand up. The next two days were sort of a blur. I remember sitting on my couch for like 2 hours. Not moving. Not crying. Not thinking. Just sitting. NUMB. Absolutely numb.

This is the story of Kayla Hanni. She is one of my best friends. I love her so much. We have only known each other for about a year, but we are so close I can't picture my life not knowing her!! Well, Kayla has osteosarcoma. Osteosarcoma is a malignant tumor that usually occurs in teens. Kayla's tumor is right above her eye. She found out about a month ago. They started treatment as soon as they could, and she went in for her first dose of chemotherapy the last week of school. She goes in again on the 21, which is Tuesday. She then has 3 straight weeks of chemotherapy, and each week she will be in the hospital for 3 days. After a few more rounds of chemo, she will go in for (intense) surgery to remove the tumor if all is going right. Fingers crossed this will be about August. Then I'm pretty sure after the tumor is removed, a few more rounds of chemo will happen, and HOPEFULLY, it will be gone! And all is well! At least thats what we are all praying for.

Here is how I feel about the whole process without getting too personal. It's hard!! The hardest part so far has definitely been seeing her in that hospital bed. Me and Katie Kitchen and Emily Jarman went out and took her a giant poster I made and just to see her. It was HARD. Kayla is crazy, and I mean crazy. We laugh like hyenas when we're together and there is never a quiet or dull moment with the two of us. She is so full of life and light and happiness. And I walked into that room and saw her so still. So, so, still. It was shocking. She looked so lifeless. We tried to make things happy and have a good time, which we did. We laughed. A lot. haha. Well the three of us did. She listened! And laughed some too thank goodness! But it was still so hard to see her! She didn't look like Kayla. And for a whole week and a half, almost two, she sat in bed. It took her so long to get back to her usual self. I really missed her. I would run up to her house and visit her as often as I possibly could. So I would see her, be laying next to her and looking at her, but I would still miss her. I still missed my Kayla. She wasn't the girl laying on that bed. Anyways, luckily she started feeling better, and we had a total blast this last week, hanging out every possibly second and laughing almost the whole time. She is nuts. NUTS!! And I love it :) Crazy, hilarious, and a total blast to be around. So we partied, a lot. Haha.

One adventure that came along with this situation is I got to go wig shopping with her. Her parents, brother, and I went with Kayla to a couple of stores to find her some hair she can wear to church and school and such when she is done with treatment but still has no hair. I can't decide how I felt watching her try on hair after hair. None of it hers. It would be so hard to be in that position. I imagine myself sitting in that chair, looking in the mirror, and not seeing me. Each wig made her look so different. She looked absolutely beautiful, don't get me wrong. She's a babe, and she looked absolutely awesome in pretty much anything they tried on her. But hair is such a big part of how you look. And I think it would be so hard to look in the mirror and see yourself looking so different. She has started to lose a lot of hair these past few days, and so we have talked a lot about shaving it off. I think she should just do it now, shave it off. Because to me it seems like it would be a lot easier to handle it if I was the one who made MYSELF lose my hair. I did it on purpose. Its not some substance that is making my hair fall out, I chose to shave it off. Does that make sense? So if I were her I think I would just do it now. BUT, talking to her, I sort of changed my mind. Think about losing all your hair. She kept saying, "I can't shave it off. I love my hair. I don't want to lose it yet." And putting myself in her shoes, it would be hard. That would be really hard. Haha I hate my hair, and I have said several times "If i could do it and not look weird, I would totally shave my head!!". But now that she has to go through with this process and actually lose her hair, I don't know if I could. She gets so frustrated and says things like "NOBODY understands how hard this is. Nobody gets how it feels", and she's right. I don't! I have no idea. I wish I did so I could help her, give her advice. I feel like all I can do is just encourage. But to be truthful, I feel like I'm doing nothing at all to help her.

All I can say is, it's going to be a rough summer. Plus the other girls in our little "foursome" are leaving me for like the rest of the summer. So I'm going to be spending a lot of time at Primary Children's, and a lot of time by Kayla's bed. The two of us. And as rough and sad and heartbreaking as it will be, I know she can do it. Kayla Hanni is not one to give up, give in, or back down. That girl is strong, and I know she will get through it. And by the end of this, she's going to be even more so. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is definitely going to apply to her. To be honest, I think it just might apply to me too. Haha. I can't believe how hard it has been for me too!! Definitely don't compare to how hard it is for her, but don't get me wrong. It's not easy!

I just hope I can be a good friend and help her out. I don't know exactly how she's feeling, I don't know what I can do to make her feel better. Sadly, I can't cure her. I can't take the cancer away. I can't take the sickness and nausea away. I only wish I could. But right now, all I can do is stick by her side and let her know I love her. Be happy and try to keep things positive. Smile. I just hope thats enough!

Pray for her guys. Please. Please pray for her. I know that the Lord hears every word of prayer we ever say, so I know He will hear you and help her. Pray for smooth treatment, a quick recovery, and as much comfort as possible. Pray that she will feel of His love for her, and of our love as well. Anything. Just if you can, keep her in your heart and mind.




Kayla, I love you. Thanks for being such an incredible friend. You'll get through this. Hang in there. You're not alone. God doesn't give you any trial you can't handle. The fact that he gave you this trial just shows me how strong you really are! So don't give up! Endure to the end, baby. This is one of my all time favorite talks, given in 1973 by Elder Hugh B. Brown, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. Its amazing. Read it!! Kayla Gail, I love you, I'm here for you, and I'm praying for you. Hang in there, you pickle eating freak ;)

NO MORE BRACES!!!! :D

I bit into an apple for the first time in a year and a half today, and it was the strangest sensation ever. I love it! hah.

I'm home!!!

Hey, all you foreigners! Its been months since I've last blogged. I'm sorry it's been so long, but I've been on a tour of Europe!!! You wouldn't believe all the amazing things I've seen! It's truly been a life changing experience......

Okay just kidding. It has been months since I last posted, but sadly I can't blame that on Europe.... I only wish!! I've actually just been home. But my blog was giving me trouble and wouldn't let me in. Some "verification issue" and then I couldn't access my email, all this lame junk that comes along with technology. But that's alright, because I finally fixed it and I'm finally back! Haha!

A lot has has happned since march 27th! Seriously. A LOT. I dont think a full catch up would be possible. Sorry, I'm sure you are all DYING to know every little detail about my facsinating life, right? Hah. ;) But I will tell you this. School is out and summer is awesome!! I've spent tons of time with my fabulous friends. I seriously don't think I could ask for better people to be around. You guys know who you are, and you are all absolutely INCREDIBLE. I love you guys so much, thanks for making my life a party!! I'm so lucky to have you!! :) I've also spent a ton of time outside. Something about being in the outdoors, the sunshine! I don't know how but it never fails to rejuvenate me and make me feel alive. I spend so much time outside hiking, and biking, and chalking, and RUNNING!! ahh running, how I love thee :) what would I do without you!? I've run every day this past week. And, since I've been keeping track I can tell you that from Monday morning to Saturday morning I ran 26 miles. That's a marathon in one week!! Okay so it's really not too impressive, but I am pretty proud of myself ;) haha! Running is the greatest feeling. It truly is a rush and I love the feeling of FREEDOM. Like if you keep going, nobody can touch you. When I run, I'm in control. And boy I love it!! :) Aside from friends and running, I've spent a lot of time with my family! I don't know what I would do without those guys. Every once and a while, I'll be doing something and it will just hit me how amazing they are. That happened this week. And it just makes me love them even more. Its amazing how much a different perspective can change how you feel about someone. But seriously, I love my family.

Anyways, I would love to give you details on every awesome thing I've done this summer thus far (park city, dirty dash, lagoon, tandem biking, and the list continues), but I have to wake up early tomorrow for work. WORK!?! Did Abby Moon just say work!? Yes. Yes I did. Tomorrow morning at 7:30. Wish me luck...


Well, love to all!! Sorry it's been so long. Hopefully all 7 of you followers haven't forgotten about me! 7.... how pathetic. Haha! Lots of love and a promise to write again soon,

ABBY MOON,
world traveler. In her dreams. Woot!